Most Complex Person in my life : ME
Demoralization cycles have remained as the most recurring phenomenon throughout my life. Somehow I’ve studied my patterns, I have found out that INCONSISTENCY has been a major contributor in my overall “Not so Good Fortune” path. At least I do think so. Though I am not taking that as a “Defeat” or “Failure” but surely it serves me as a reference point from where I can study the most complex character in my lifetime, that’s me.
Does that really matter ?
Now, I will say YES. Had the question been came forward 10 years back , I would have thrown an overconfident looking like statement in a much “who cares!” attitude. Again, 5 years back , I would have said “Doesn’t matter” in a much spiritual attitude. But today I will say, Yes. It does matter. Getting the material Success is now important to me. Because, nothing else can define actualization besides that. Simple.
I have also seen the other side
I have also lived some 2 years in a state of nothing to do for bread & live on God’s will. Not that I didn’t survive , I got bored to death. There was so much empty time , very very difficult to pass. I used to wander with 1-2 similar friends like me , aimlessly aiming to get nothing. I repeat, I never faced any survival issue, I found no way how to keep myself occupied. That too , I tried to overcome with a real “Do nothing” or “No purpose” attitude. I found out that even meditation, or spiritual work is also some “work”. So why don’t I do that “work” which I truly love ?
What is “Passion” by the way ?
The things which you love are called the things you are “passionate” about it. They say “Follow your passion & success (actualisation for me) will follow you”. So I started to find out my passion. I simply put it like the work which I do lovingly is my passion. My God ! There were so many things! I loved gardening, swimming, mountaineering, Farming, Gym , Working at a workshop. Endless. Then I also found out that there were many things which I didn’t like. What to do with them ?
Then it came the “Good Boy” vs”Bad Boy” battle. I was a Bad Boy. I loved the feeling of having a huge business under my belt, but running those companies like a workaholic ( it’s work for me) never fascinated me.(disclaimer- this is truly MY sentiment-no way universal) I remember, at the age of 20 when I setup my factory (miserably failed obviously), I used to run away from the shop floor, being bored. I didn’t know that it was boredom , but going to places where I could watch college beauties was more “passionate” thing for me. Then I was a “villain” of not being a “Work Hard” character. But in a true sense ,I was never a factory guy.
What kind of a guy am I ?
Then, was I an admin guy ? No No.I never liked to be at an office & look at those accounts, expenses and similar stuff. Then I thought I loved sales. Again Half truth. I used to travel actually, because of sales visits , I was getting opportunities to travel. I didn’t like the typical “Door Knocking” process. I did love to visit newer places, be at Hotels, Roads , Joints (Not pubs). I did like to meet people , but not “negotiating orders” . So I can safely say that I loved creating systems but didn’t love running them. I love meeting people , but didn’t like to manipulate them. My inconsistency proves that.
So I found out my passion from what I don’t like to do. So first I accepted myself “I don’t like certain things & it’s absolutely ok being so.” During this contemplation, I also made a strange but valuable discovery, that I was consistently inconsistent in doing things which I was never “passionate” about. Vice versa, I was consistent in inventing newer & newer ways towards actualisation of my inner dream. My dream may seem very mediocre: Making a steady Good amount of money, travelling & being able to travel anywhere, anytime. I don’t really bother to create those SMART goals. They are good to create robots, and I am not a robot (please!)
Good, then, what’s the problem ?
These thinking attacks also work in cyclical pattern. They emerge suddenly like projects. They don’t come in a disciplined manner. So when they are prominent; my energy , enthusiasm, willingness to do things with strength (which is called as will-power) is TOP. But it decreases shortly. Reason ? Reduction in the quantum of the same factors. And the decrease is also very sharp. I am also popularly labelled as a person having “Mood Swings”. The Result : Inconsistent result. Unreliability, when business is concerned. And this is not wrong, this is correct.
My new invention
But today I realised a very phenomenal pattern in my nature. When I take on any task, If it is measurable, say walking 10 rounds around the garden.First 2-3 rounds ( 30%) I complete with the starting torque. Then comes the 4 th one (near to the half mark- 40-50 %) , when I start talking to myself “what if I leave it exactly half way (quit habit) , good I at least did 5 rounds” and I quit also. Effects ? I never complete any project. I take up newer & newer tasks, keep wasting my & my team’s energy which produces nothing at the end. Here … Here I need improvement. The rest , when I past 5 rounds , the motivation recoups & I come near to “Not Quit”. But still I have a tendency “to quit” here as well. But when I pass the 7 th round (70% mark) , I don’t quit usually & complete the rest. So, the key is :-
- Pushing (Motivating) myself to do the task, daily or whatever intervals decided
- Starting with remembering the ultimate mission.
- Staying there during 3-7
What & How am I going to do it ?
First I will decide my mission on “Developing a habit of Not Quitting” , followed by “Developing a habit of winning”. To develop the habit of NOT Quitting , I have decided to keep my motivation up. I have decided to convert every of my simple to complex tasks into measurable units. I will distribute every of my task into a scale of 1-10 scale. There are Goals, which will be divided into tasks , then sub tasks and into measurable small units.
Taking not too many is the key
I know the danger of planning too much in excitement. And also the danger of disappointment. So, keeping lesser tasks on hand is the key. I will take just 2-3 major issues on board. I can easily find them, as they are the topmost which keep bothering me. Two of them I can easily list here :-
- I always struggle to maintain my monthly cash flow ( I have never been surplus)
- I have always remained overweight. Though I had lost 10 kgs last year, I picked up again.
So taking just these 2 areas to work on, I am beginning with some new resolutions, decisions & planning with measurable Goals. Staying Motivated will no doubt be the key element in all of this. I am going to work with a strong belief : “What gets measured , gets achieved”